Staying married is a 50-50 proposition, meaning that about 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. It’s one thing for the adults to uncouple, but, if there are children involved, there can be unintended consequences. Very often, children feel that they were the cause of the divorce. It’s a burden no child should have to bear. So, the adults need to explain to children that there was nothing they could have done to prevent the split. The adults also need to put aside their anger, because research finds that kids need you to remain involved in their lives, not to make kids the messenger between parents and not to force the children to take sides. And back to the first point: no fighting, because it reinforces a child’s notion that they’re to blame for the breakup of their family. So don’t badmouth your ex or confide in your kids about your divorce worries, it only adds to their angst and confusion over a transition they may never have expected. For more info on helping kids through this life transition, check out http://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/children-and-divorce.htm
Benita Zahn, DPS-Bioethics
Channel 13 - Benita Zahn
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